Flowers

So many people in my life have taught me these past weeks, what it truly means to be an example of Christ. I know I've mentioned before what amazing friends and family I have, but I truly am so blessed.

I've learned a lot about myself, others, and the atonement of Jesus Christ through this whole experience, and what it means to really "mourn with those who mourn."

I have had countless phone calls, kind comments left on blog posts, people stopping by, candy, goodies, meals, cards, friends offering to take the girls, hugs, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, smiles, flowers, and the list goes on and on.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I took some pictures of the beautiful flowers I got. They made my soul smile when all it wanted to do was frown! It was nice to have fresh flowers around the house. I joke that I went about getting them the wrong way! :) In any case, they were beautiful!

Denton' Birthday

Our good friends Danielle and Denton came up for a visit a few weeks ago. It was Denton's birthday and he was looking around for some new golf clubs.

We have so much fun with them. We're still a little mad at them for moving away. Oh well, at least they come and visit us!

Here were are out to lunch

Denton was a little mad that I told them it was his birthday

They even made him stand on a chair....you should of seen this old man (Denton) try and get up on that chair. I guess that's what happens when you turn 30!

This is their son Cohen......he has the meanest parents in the world

on the way to the park

cute little kids

one day they will get married

so, so, so cute!!!

my little monkey

Danielle with Denton's birthday cake

Happy Birthday old man....thanks for letting us share the day with you!

Let it Fall Like Rain

There's this blog I like to read, not because I know the person, but because I love her story. A few months ago she gave birth to a baby with down syndrome. She didn't know until her actual birth that her daughter would have down syndrome. Her blog is about her experience and how she's learning to move on when something unexpected and sad happens. Her blog is amazing, she is an amazing person, and she takes beautiful pictures. Click here to read it.......and don't forget to read the story of her daughter's birth.

Just recently, she was asked to photograph a wedding. After she was done and when she was in the car she said she cried. The bride made her think of her oldest daughter. This bride was so happy and at this happy time this bride had a little sister right beside her.

She cried for what she thought she would of had, she cried for her daughters, she cried because she wanted her new little baby to have this happiness, and she cried because even though it's been months since her baby's birth, sadness is still there sometimes.

"It's not always sunny. It's not always bright. And no, it's not always perfect. There is a time for rain.......moments where the bright clarity of sunshine is rinsed with the precipitation that comes now and then to drench the parched grounds and makes them grow again."

I cried last night. I cried the night before last too. It felt good. It felt good to admit that I am sad, that life is not easy, it's not always sunny, it's not always bright, and it's not always perfect.

I cried for what I thought I would have, for what I don't, and for what I miss. I cried because I have to go through trials....especially this one. I cried because I miss my mom and it's so not fair that I have to go through this without her.

It felt good to "Let it fall like rain and rinse the sunshine out but for a moment because growth always follows a good rain."

Some Thoughts......

As I said in my last post, I don't tend to use this blog to express my feelings. Today, I'm going to attempt to share some of my thoughts and feelings I've had over the past 2 weeks. This post is mostly for me as I try and record things that I think are important. It might be a little boring, but that's okay.....fun posts with pictures to come.

I just want to start by saying THANK YOU to all my family members, friends, and my ward family. You never realize what kind of support you need until something sad happens to you. I've been blessed with an amazing family who at a moments notice drop everything to be here with me and my family. I've always know that I have been blessed with great friends, both here, there, and everywhere, but these past few weeks have really taught me that I truly have some of the best friends I could of ever asked for. When we first moved into this ward we are in, I seriously questioned if I could ever love this ward and it's members. As time moves on you adjust and learn to love. This experience has made me realize that I do have a great ward that I truly love with all my heart. There have been so many moments this week that I can look back on and really feel Heavenly Father's love. I know there are times when Heavenly Father uses us to help others feel of his love. My testimony of this has been strengthened so much. Thank you so much to those who felt the Spirit, listened to the Spirit, and then acted on It in my behalf.

And, I have to say that I have the most amazing husband in the world. This hasn't been easy for him to say the least. He feels a loss at this time too, but has been able to put a side those feelings and be a support for me. We defiantly have our moments but all in all he has been the strong one.

I will say that Molly and Elley have been the ones to really pull me through this one. They are totally oblivious to what is going on around them. Well, maybe not Elley, she's not totally oblivious but to young to really understand what's happening. We talked about the baby almost everyday before the miscarriage, she was so excited! Ever since the day we found out the baby didn't have a heartbeat she hasn't mentioned the baby once. I'm glad that it hasn't been hard on her or Molly. They know the exact moment to hug me, or snuggle me, or tell me that I'm the best mommy in the whole world. I truly am blessed, I could not imagine going through this without them.

The night before I had the D&C done I didn't sleep very much. I sat at the computer and played spider solitaire. At one point I had the thought to kneel down and pray. The only words that came to mind and out of my mouth was, "Heavenly Father, why me?" I didn't think much about that prayer until a few days ago while I was taking a shower. I know that seems weird but it's the only time that I have a quite moment to think straight, and even then I usually have one of the girls in there with me. But on this rare occasion I was alone. I thought about that prayer and how I had asked my Father in Heaven, "why me?" Immediately, the thought came to me, "why not you?" My prayer, as short as it was, was answered in that one question. I learned more about my Heavenly Father in that tender sweet moment then I ever have in my whole life. How many times do we answer our own children's questions with a question.
"Mommy, can I touch the hot stove?"
"What would happen to your hand if you touched that hot stove?"
I already knew the answer to my question just as Elley would have know why she couldn't touch the stove. Sometimes it takes a loving parent to help us realize things we already know
Our children are sent to us so we can teach and train them. We are sent to this earth to learn and to grow and Heavenly Father is our Father that loves us, knows us, and teaches us in just a way that helps us learn and grow the most. He is our Father and He knows us best.

I know that this doesn't mean much to most who read this, and I know I'm not the best with words, but it's something I wanted to write about because it's something I learned from and want to remember.

Life stinks sometimes and it's up to us to make the most of it. It stinks for our benefit. The scriptures teach us that there has to be opposition in all things so we can taste the sweet. I'm not saying that this trial has been easy, but it's something that has to be. I need to be thankful for what I do have instead of dwelling on what I don't have.

Thank you to those who read this, I know it might be kind of boring! Pictures are coming....get ready for a blog overload. I've been a little overwhelmed these past few weeks.

A Mother's Love....

I don't tend to use this blog to express my feeling all that much. In fact, I just wanted a place to post pictures, say a few cute things the kiddos were doing, and call it good. This blog has turned into so much more, for me anyway. It's nothing fancy, and sometimes, it's probably a little boring. But, I love it!


I want to share an experience that happened in our family this past weekend. I've seen so many Tender Mercies from above these past few days, and I'm sure that this experience happening this weekend is nothing short of a Tender Mercy. It's Easter, it's conference weekend, and I get to be surrounded by my wonderful, sweet family.


My story is one in a billion, but to me, right now in this very moment, I feel like I'm the only one that knows the hurt and grief that comes when a mother miscarries. And even though I've heard countless stories from friends, and family member that have gone through this same thing, (which I love and appreciate with ALL of my heart) it still feels, in this moment, that I face this alone. Maybe it's my protective shell that we naturally put up when something horrible happens to us, or maybe it the numbness that hasn't worn off yet. I think I still might be in a little bit of shock. In this moment, I sit at the computer and I am alone. The whole house is sleeping, which for me, sleep is hard to come by these nights. Being alone right now in this moment is kind of nice, it's giving me time to think, not just about the miscarriage, but of the sweet blessings that have already come to our family......Elley and Molly. Oh, how I love them. So much that it even hurts sometimes. I really don't know if I could get through this without them.

Thursday night as I was putting Elley to bed I was telling her that in the morning she was going to come with mommy and daddy to the doctor so she could hear the heartbeat of the baby inside mommy's tummy. She was so excited, "I think it's a boy baby mommy!" she said as I tucked her in.

Friday morning we dropped Molly off at a friends house and the 3 of us headed to the doctor. We were all so excited. I had heard the heartbeat at the appointment before and was so sad that Adam missed it. So, here we are, 14 weeks....YAY!

We got into the room, and after weighing, peeing, and blood pressure the nurse said, "the doctor will be just a minute." Our doctor walked in and I said, "surprise, I brought the family so they could hear the heartbeat." So, I laid down and we all listened for the soft, reassuring sound of the heartbeat. After about 30 seconds we couldn't find anything. He didn't seem to worried and I wasn't either, I mean come on, I just heard the heartbeat 4 weeks ago. He told us that we were going to have an ultra sound and I actually got excited. Instead of just hearing the heartbeat, Elley was going to get to actually see her brother or sister. As we followed the ultra sound tech I started to get a little nervous and as I got up on the bed and lifted up my shirt I had the thought, "Keely, there wont be a heartbeat." The minute I saw that little baby up on that screen I just knew. I've seen enough ultra sounds to know that the little flutter of a heart was not happening in my baby. I heard Adam say to Elley, "look, there's our baby!" and my heart sank. I looked over to the tech and said, "there's no heartbeat is there?" She said, "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I can't find one. I'm going to go get the doctor."

Tears started streaming down my face and Adam grabbed my arm. Elley said, "mommy, why are you crying?" Right at that moment the ultra sound tech, my doctor, and his nurse walked into the room. Everything became a blur after that. I remember the doctor saying he was sorry and his nurse kissed my forehead and then laid her cheek on it as the ultra sound tech and doctor looked some more. I was 14 weeks along but from the ultra sound the baby was measuring 12 weeks. The tech also said if she had to guess she would of guessed a boy, it's hard to tell as early as 12 weeks. The doctor said that from looking at the ultra sound he couldn't see any reason why I had miscarried, sometimes it's Mother Nature's way getting rid of something that wasn't meant to be.

So, where do we go from here? I met with another doctor to go over my choices. I had two options. I could wait and see if my body would naturally miscarry on it's own or I could have a D&C. The doctor said that naturally miscarrying could take up to 2 more weeks. The doctor left the room to give Adam and I a minute to talk about everything. The best thing to do for me and my family was to go ahead with the D&C.

That afternoon was hard! The calls that were made to family and close friends were painful and very emotional. I still felt a little numb. I had to go back to the doctor later that afternoon to have a procedure done in preparation for the next morning. My sister called to tell me she was coming into town that night. What a blessing that was, I cannot thank her enough! I was so worried about Molly and Elley and what was going to happen with them. My surgery was so early in the morning I didn't want to have to wake them and take them to someones house.

That night I don't think I fell asleep at all. I woke up at 3:30 after going to bed at 1am and ended up staying up until we left at 6:15am. I kept watching the clock all night long thinking, is it time yet?

Saturday morning I had the surgery. It went well and recovery has been fairly good. We are all hanging in there. Time heals all wounds and we know that this is just a trial of our faith. Thank goodness we were able to watch General Conference this weekend and feel of our Heavenly Father and Savor's love for us and our family. And a BIG thank you to all our friends and family that have offered their love and support. Even a simple phone call has meant the world to me!