As I said in my last post, I don't tend to use this blog to express my feelings. Today, I'm going to attempt to share some of my thoughts and feelings I've had over the past 2 weeks. This post is mostly for me as I try and record things that I think are important. It might be a little boring, but that's okay.....fun posts with pictures to come.
I just want to start by saying THANK YOU to all my family members, friends, and my ward family. You never realize what kind of support you need until something sad happens to you. I've been blessed with an amazing family who at a moments notice drop everything to be here with me and my family. I've always know that I have been blessed with great friends, both here, there, and everywhere, but these past few weeks have really taught me that I truly have some of the best friends I could of ever asked for. When we first moved into this ward we are in, I seriously questioned if I could ever love this ward and it's members. As time moves on you adjust and learn to love. This experience has made me realize that I do have a great ward that I truly love with all my heart. There have been so many moments this week that I can look back on and really feel Heavenly Father's love. I know there are times when Heavenly Father uses us to help others feel of his love. My testimony of this has been strengthened so much. Thank you so much to those who felt the Spirit, listened to the Spirit, and then acted on It in my behalf.
And, I have to say that I have the most amazing husband in the world. This hasn't been easy for him to say the least. He feels a loss at this time too, but has been able to put a side those feelings and be a support for me. We defiantly have our moments but all in all he has been the strong one.
I will say that Molly and Elley have been the ones to really pull me through this one. They are totally oblivious to what is going on around them. Well, maybe not Elley, she's not totally oblivious but to young to really understand what's happening. We talked about the baby almost everyday before the miscarriage, she was so excited! Ever since the day we found out the baby didn't have a heartbeat she hasn't mentioned the baby once. I'm glad that it hasn't been hard on her or Molly. They know the exact moment to hug me, or snuggle me, or tell me that I'm the best mommy in the whole world. I truly am blessed, I could not imagine going through this without them.
The night before I had the D&C done I didn't sleep very much. I sat at the computer and played spider solitaire. At one point I had the thought to kneel down and pray. The only words that came to mind and out of my mouth was, "Heavenly Father, why me?" I didn't think much about that prayer until a few days ago while I was taking a shower. I know that seems weird but it's the only time that I have a quite moment to think straight, and even then I usually have one of the girls in there with me. But on this rare occasion I was alone. I thought about that prayer and how I had asked my Father in Heaven, "why me?" Immediately, the thought came to me, "why not you?" My prayer, as short as it was, was answered in that one question. I learned more about my Heavenly Father in that tender sweet moment then I ever have in my whole life. How many times do we answer our own children's questions with a question.
"Mommy, can I touch the hot stove?"
"What would happen to your hand if you touched that hot stove?"
I already knew the answer to my question just as Elley would have know why she couldn't touch the stove. Sometimes it takes a loving parent to help us realize things we already know
Our children are sent to us so we can teach and train them. We are sent to this earth to learn and to grow and Heavenly Father is our Father that loves us, knows us, and teaches us in just a way that helps us learn and grow the most. He is our Father and He knows us best.
I know that this doesn't mean much to most who read this, and I know I'm not the best with words, but it's something I wanted to write about because it's something I learned from and want to remember.
Life stinks sometimes and it's up to us to make the most of it. It stinks for our benefit. The scriptures teach us that there has to be opposition in all things so we can taste the sweet. I'm not saying that this trial has been easy, but it's something that has to be. I need to be thankful for what I do have instead of dwelling on what I don't have.
Thank you to those who read this, I know it might be kind of boring! Pictures are coming....get ready for a blog overload. I've been a little overwhelmed these past few weeks.
2 comments:
There was nothing boring about that post. In fact I find reading about what people have learned from their trials very empowering. I was having a bad day today in general and reading this helped lift my spirits and helped me remember to endure well! I love you Keely! Thank you for sharing your personal feelings and helping me return my thoughts to Eternal ones!
Thanks for your sweet words. I have thought about you often since I read your post. I even have even talked to a few friends about how hard that would be. I fear miscarriage all th way until 12 weeks, and then I look at what happened to you and I see it can still happen. Sorry this isn't making much sense. I am not much of a strength builder because I just feel your pain so much.
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